Malfeasance

2006-06-05T10:18:00.000-04:00

So this Malfeasance write must apologize for not updating his blog...note that this is something "I must" do, not something "I should" do...because, frankly, I've been busy.

I stole this little post du jour from Grey Street:

I am cuddler --- yes
I am morning person --- not really
I am a perfectionist --- definitely
I am an only child --- no
I am currently in my pajamas --- no
I am currently suffering from a broken heart --- no
I am okay at styling other peoples' hair ---ehhh
I am left-handed --- sometimes
I am online 24/7, even as an away message --- never
I am shy around the same/opposite gender at first --- sometimes
I bite my nails --- once
I can be paranoid at times --- yep
I currently regret something I have said --- nope
When I get mad I curse frequently --- no
I don't like anyone --- haha...no, I like some people
I enjoy country music --- some
I enjoy jazz music --- some
I enjoy smoothies --- yep...with real fruit :)
I enjoy talking on the phone --- no
I have a car --- no
I have/had a hard time paying attention at school --- no
I have a lot to learn --- probably
I have a pet --- no
I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal --- no
I have all my grandparents --- no...only one yet
I have at least one brother/ one sister --- yes
I have been to Europe --- darn tootin'
I have been told that I am smart --- yep
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor --- haha, all the time
I have broken a bone --- apparently not...they didn't believe me
I have caller I.D. on my phone --- yes
I have bathed with someone --- not since I was a little guy
I have changed a diaper --- yes (both baby and adult)
I have changed a lot as a person over the past year --- sort of, in some respects
I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color --- no
I have had major/minor surgery --- no
I have killed another person --- no
I have had my hair cut within the last week --- no
I have had the cops called on me --- no
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn't --- no

Well...after calculations...it looks like I'm boring as ever, hehe...

Memed again...

2006-04-17T21:37:00.000-04:00

So Lisaopolis has memed me...this time it's supposed to be a list of six interesting / strange things about myself. So let's give this one a whirl:

(1) I enjoy cleaning bathrooms and kitchens.

(2) I've never been west of State College, PA....that will change in one week though...Illinois here I come!

(3) I was so addicted to cooking shows when I was younger that I would pretend to make delicacies with fresh mud and grass out in the yard...all the while narrating what I was doing.

(4) I never use the f-word.

(5) I watched someone die...it ain't nice at all.

(6) I taught myself how to play the piano when I was younger...using only the family hymnal...which means that I can pump out a mean "How Great Thou Art."

Since Lisaopolis has memed most of my fellow bloggers...I shall end the meme here. But I send out a wave of my finger in the general direction of those fellow bloggers...get to meming...darn tootin'.

So a dandelion walks into a bar...

2006-04-12T18:49:00.000-04:00

Dear friends, it has been a month since my last post and I can assure that I have not:
a.) retreated to the lower Chilean coast in search of rare minerals.
b.) become addicted to "scratch-n-sniff stickers" and spent a not-so-proud ten month stint in rehab
c.) decided to be a llama herder.
d.) moved to Iowa to open my organic strawberry preserves factory.

I have been busy with all sorts of stuff...too numerous (and raunchy) to mention. For this reason, I will keep the topic of today's post as down-to-earth as possible. I would like to discuss something very near and dear to my heart...but before I do, I want to remind all of tomorrow's significance: Green Thursday. If you grew up in PA Dutch country like I did, you know that the Thursday before Easter is Green Thursday and you must eat greens...well, not just any greens...one in particular: the dandelion (Taraxacum officinale).

Those who know and love this divine weed, know of its delicious and versatile properties. You see, as a small child, we would arm ourselves this time of year with blunt kitchen knives and paper bags...head out to the wild unknown to hunt the elusive dandelion...well, actually just tramp across the neighbors' yards to find them...of course, you had to watch out for Mrs. Swanson's yard --- her dog pees too much...them best pickings for sure in the Snyder's yard.

So, to help the novice...some steps to dandelion picking perfection:
1.) find dandelion...green weed...make sure that it's only the green leaves...any sign of a flower and you're in Bitter-town, friend.
2.) holding the knife, gently poke under the leaves and proceed in circular motion to free the leaves altogether from the ground
3.) throw into bag
4.) bring home and rinse with cold water
5.) completely cover with warm bacon dressing (a hollandaise sort of thing with lots of bacon fat)
6.) ENJOY!

Since dandelion keeps popping up in the yard, feel free to let a bunch actually come to flower and pick the blossoms for some lovely Dandelion Wine (freeze if you don't have time to make some bathtub hooch at this moment).

Evil Twins...

2006-03-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

I haven't written in a while...been all sorts of busy...and nothing has even remotely come to mind as a good enough blog topic. At the insistance of Madame de Waves Frets and Discs, I have decided to post about "evil twins"...and not the hacker crap that was in the news...no, the real thing...do they exist? what do they want? can you have a non-biological evil twin? What do evil twins do? If an evil twin falls in the forest, does he make a sound? What's the sound of one evil twin clapping? All of these questions, their answers and MORE I hope to compile in monograph length and present on the road in my lecture series "Evil Twins: Real-aroos or Fake-aroos". I'll be waiting by the phone for the Nobel Prize in the meanwhile...

Unfortunately, preliminary evidence discounts any theory on the true existence of the evil twin. According to our friends over at Wikipedia, evil twins are merely existant in science fiction...and the long list of evil twins throughout literary and media history shows what an impact this has had...albeit only in the realm of fiction. However, further research shows that they may in fact exist. Cursory analysis shows that they may lurk within the shadows of dark alleys, hide in musty attics, make appearances at our jobs to fool the unsavvy, and insist on their own representation in our webspace. On the online, Sean even has a webpage linked to his evil twin.

Anyway, apparently you can wander on over to a site to find your own twin! Are they evil?...who knows. But let's test this out...for research's sake. Now, I entered some information about our fellow bloggers and found their twins...to be fair, I simply chose the first picture that popped up...so:

Waves Frets and Discs meet your twin!

Red Red Rine...meet your twin!

Lisaopolis...meet your twin!

And now for my twin....

The similarities are all too shocking...

I've been memed...

2006-02-10T12:46:00.000-05:00

Okay...so Red Red Rine has memed me so I'm playing along...hehe. Here's the low down for those of you not yet in the know:

The person who's been memed thinks of 3-5 movies that make them weep. Like really weep. Then that person goes to Google images and finds a pic from the movie that doesn't totally give it away, and paste the image into his/her blog. Then, the memed one highlights the pic and creates a link to the movie's IMDB page (that way, if someone doesn't know what movie the pic is from, they can click on the picture and it'll take them to IMDB so they can find out!).The final step is that the memed becomes the memer. So tag-- you're it, to the following blog friends:

Liz

John

Rachel

a classic tear-jerker and one on most everyone's

ahhh the plight of small town America...

most recent...but to quote from the theater:
Frenchie: "Did the girls cry?"
Lisaopolis: "Yep." (points to me)

one of my favorite movies...funny, moving, southern...I just have one thing to say:
"My personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair."

das Videoconferencing...

2006-02-03T12:21:00.000-05:00

So at the beginning of the week, former PSU student and Deutsch-teacher extraordinare, Kraub, sent me an email and an IM...not a normal message, but what do I expect from Kraub?
Anywho, she said that she was getting a little homesick for PSU and was clicking around on the website and had a marvelous idea...yikers...
She wanted Mrs. Darby and I to head over to this bridge on campus near the Alumni Center and stand there so that she could see us on the live 24 hour web cam mounted atop one of the buildings...
We agreed and headed over towards the bridge and, after having some trouble locating the webcam, found it and entertained Kraub in Germany for a few moments with kicklines and Mrs. Darby attempting to throw me into the stream, etc...unfortunately, she only saw us standing around looking at the ground...

So, Kraub, and now a Bitte von mir: I am extremely homesick for Cologne...luckily WDR (producers of some of my all-time favorite German soap-operas) has put a live DomCam up on the web...so, when you have a chance, could you climb the Cologne Cathedral (my favoritest place on the planet) and wave a red hankerchief from the rightmost tower?

A sad day for linguists...

2006-01-28T18:17:00.000-05:00

[ ɹɛst ɪn piːs lɑɾəfoːgəd ]

Page number malfeasance...

2006-01-20T09:59:00.000-05:00

So the semester has begun again here in Happy Valley! Anyway, I have a small tidbit to share about said class, which (I dare say) even made this Malfeasance (clash of thunder, clang of bell) writer blush. Our grammar exercises are found in the back of the textbook on pages labeled G__ (G is for Grammatik...and thus setting them aside from the rest of the normal paged text). Anywho, we were working on the past tense and I announce "Bitte oeffnen Sie die Buecher auf Seite G6." For those of you who don't habla langue allemande: that means "Open your books to page G6" --- which is just fine, except that G6 in German is pronounced /ghay-zeks/. Luckily no one in the class caught it, and after a brief moment of trying to gather my thoughts, we continued the exercises on G6...Just thought I would share that with everyone.

You'll shoot your eye out...

2006-01-04T22:50:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, back to S.C. from an enjoyable but always interesting Christmas vacation at home. I entitle this photo collection "Christmas Is...", because

Christmas is...

(1) Deer Jerky. Not only did this treat make an appearance in our stockings, but the high prized smoked (as opposed to dehydrated) version was "Hands off."

(2) Homemade vanilla. For some reason, the fam refuses to buy vanilla extract in the store...and why should you?? Just add two vanilla beans to some vodka, soak for three months and enjoy!

(3) Turkeys in the yard.

(4) My brother's upper arms...I have not further comments.
Otherwise, Christmas was rather uneventful, aside from a few screams of "Man down!" as we watched the tree take a nose-dive onto the living room carpet...HAHA...damn why didn't I get a picture of that?!?!

Hope everyone had an enjoyable Christmas and New Year!! (Better would have eaten that pork and sauerkraut...I did...it was delicious...it was 12:30 am...in a bar...and delicious...

Up...up...up...

2006-01-02T01:12:00.000-05:00

On the Occasion of his birthday: Haiku for Dan in C:

Tequila blurs the

Scatterings of Africa;

You just ask Bunke.

Candyland...

2005-11-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

when you buy ice cream from the Creamery labeled "Peppermint Stick" and you think it's going to be really good, because you love peppermint...just remember that it probably has chunks of candy canes in it and isn't worth your time...I learned the hard way...that is all...

Ist es Ihnen kalt...

2005-11-16T00:10:00.000-05:00

On the Occasion of her birthday: Haiku for Becca in C:

Skidboot, who is that,
Living with the fancy pants?
Bayccles is her name.

And just for added fun since Becca is my Middle High German buddy...how about a haiku en some hardcore medieval German?

Becky (!) kan diutsch
Mite muotes unde
sus ist sie vrœlich.

PS...is that all of the November birthdays?!?!

Haiku Two...

2005-11-15T19:09:00.000-05:00

On the Occasion of his birthday: Haiku for John in C

Meterolo-

Gee, John enjoys the weather.

Players! Shake that thang!

Haiku, you-ku, we all-ku for Haikus...

2005-11-10T17:40:00.000-05:00

On the Occasion of her birthday: Haiku for Frau Goodman in C

Libby don’tscha know,

The line mistress sings to thee.

Ryan, her man slut.

Joschka, there is a distinct possibility that you are a smelly head...

2005-11-03T18:26:00.000-05:00

Scene: Campus, breezy afternoon, blue sky
Characters: Moi, Random

Moi: Those people are running so fast they might just barrel down there and stomple something.
(Random snickering)
Moi: Que?
Random: "Stomple" isn't a word.
Moi: It isn't? Well...hmm...yes it is!
Random: No, I'm pretty sure it isn't a word.
Moi: Hmm...well that's...I use it all the time...of course it's a...it must be a...hmm...well, I'm using it anyway...where was I?

End Scene (reprise of "Aquarius"; curtain close)

Rainy Saturday...

2005-10-22T23:35:00.000-04:00

It's a rainy Saturday, so I decided to whip out the digital camera. One of my violets is just busting out with flowers:

Luckily, Elliot, after a few months of hellish bug infestation and major leaf loss is coming back. He's a bit deformed and missing a lot of growth, but he's coming along...

And just for Ruth: Henry, after the champagne incident, has new leaves and is perking up!

Let the music play, worries for another day...

2005-10-19T00:13:00.000-04:00

I had the theme song from "Fraggle Rock" stuck in my head...hence today's entry title...

I saw an adult today questioning a child about what he wanted to be when he grew up...for me the answer was always "a teacher" (except for my brief stint in wanting to be a paleontologist, just because the name sounded cooler than ever and you got to work on dinosaurs). Not just any teacher, mind you, but a second grade teacher. I now realize that I don't have the slightest bit of patience for the elementary school classroom, but up until high school, that was my dream. Second grade would be such a great year to teach...I can still remember sitting on the rug listening to our teacher read "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" and how delighted I was to try out the fudge recipe in the back of the book (mmmm....fudge...). Elementary school was good times: crafts, show and tell (I think I hauled my mom's carved coconut decoration thingy every year), participating in the magic show for the whole school, falling off of the track glide on the playground (insisting that I had broken my back), being the skipping champion in kindergarten (shadowed only by my lack luster performance in the "Recite-Your-Initials Relay"). I even penned tons of short stories in my youth...yikers, what ever happened to that?!?! I must have stuffed my creativity somewhere, only to wield its eccentric head these days when I prepare grammar worksheets and make my students yodel in front of the library.

Interesting how things change and how people change...

For the time being, it looks like I will be spending the rest of my life working with the 18-22 year old crowd...but that's good, I was telling someone the other day how much I love the atmosphere of a university campus and college town.

And speaking of college towns, I've looked back over the past few months and realized that I have not left the greater State College area (except for weekly, and sometimes daily, trips to Belleville) since May!?!? That just ain't right...

And lastly, my random thought for the week: We don't play enough board games. Put down the books and break out the boards, dice, and play money...but none that require too much thinking. Where are "The Game of Life", "Scattergories", and "Chutes and Ladders"?

Second random thought: What ever happened to "Encyclopedia" on HBO? --- my all time favorite show. Further, what of the Encyclopedia Brown detective series?

Deli malfeasance...

2005-10-15T16:25:00.000-04:00

I was in the store today and on my way out, the PA system comes on: "Peaches, in the deli, line one...Peaches, line one." marvelous...just marvelous...

P.S. does anyone, besides me, remember The Peanut Butter Solution?? I seem to get blank stares from everyone when I mention it...

Stirred, not shaken...

2005-10-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

so, I have taken upon the job of managing to freak myself out over the past two days...particularly in regards to a certain shrouded history of the university and present hauntings. Ever since I was younger, I tended to have an interest in ghosts...and even now it sort of draws my curiosity.

Tonight, a rainy and cool October eve, brought me into the office to do some work, but it turns out that I need some books from the 3rd floor stacks. After reading about the above stories, naturally I am a bit more cautious to head into the stacks...but I went. I went to find the books and suddenly I just had the urge to get out of there, so off I went in long strides, passing the rows and rows of dimly lit aisles. Out of my left eye, I catch the sight of someone on the ground and (naturally) I let out a quiet but high pitched shriek and increase my walking tempo (somewhere between speed walking and cross country speed walking). Upon calming myself down a bit, I bring myself back to the reality that it was just some diligent student looking for their own books. I turn around, only to find him peering out from the bottom of one of the shelves with an expression of "You stupid spazz, what the hell are you doing?!"

I am back in the office now to bask in my flight response. However, my super stealthy research abilities have given way to reading into all sorts of articles about hautings here on campus...even a so-called "Ghost Walk" which existed on the site of our present office building. The walk was so named after a student froze to death while braving a wooded path here during a blizzard in the 1860s...yikers...

Frankly, I could have been killed...

2005-10-06T16:27:00.000-04:00

So, in light of events that have just happened, I shall recount my most recent mishap. Those who know me, know that I fall at all occasions possible and today was no different. I was headed down the stairs in the library stacks, while carefully persusing my interesting books that I would soon be checking out. Somewhere between floor 1A and floor 1, I lost a little balance...well, actually a lot of balance...apparently I didn't see the last two steps. Luckily I was able to prevent falling head first down the steps, by throwing out my right leg (whilst juggling seven books) and landed all so gracefully. My super-flexible leg skills proved to be a major problem in regaining balance...something about landing on one foot and holding books seems to work against you. So to counter this, I shifted my body to the left and managed a full circle turn. As a result of my turning, I failed to negotiate my distance from a metal trash can and whacked into it, throwing the trash can into a spinning frenzy off to the left...as I see my flip flop fly off to the right. Apparently, the serene atmosphere of the library stacks was completely disturbed...I heard some snickers from a row of desks on the far wall, but continued (by this time, I put my flip flop back on...sort of) to hobble down the next flight of steps. My balance still lacking, I teetered back and forth in the stairwell shaft making thudding sounds on the metal walls before breathing a sigh of relief at the bottom...yikers...I think my right big toe is broken...

Cheerio and Jeerio

2005-09-28T21:18:00.000-04:00

again…no complete thoughts…just randomosity…

Cheers to fall weather finally.

Jeers to fall… a.k.a. not spring.

Cheers to “Schadenfreude” from Avenue Q.

Jeers to not being in NY to see Avenue Q on Broadway.

Cheers to Elliot, Eudora, Percy, Emmit busting out with flowers.

Jeers to said African violets having a bad case of the mealy bugs.

Cheers to online research.

Jeers to bearded men and cats.

Cheers to method shower spray.

Jeers to not having traction lined feet, which may help in exiting the shower safely.

Cheers to my new digital camera.

Jeers to not having used it all that much yet...do I hear dancing anyone?!?!

Cheers to prospects of a pumpkin carving party.

Jeers to no candles in the apartment.

Cheers to blog updates.

Jeers to blog updates about hair butter balls (shudder).

Cheers to cheer.

Jeers to jeer.

Cheers to doing whatever.

Jeers to single life.

Cheers to feta cheese and spinach pizza.

Jeers to the scary man who sells them.

Ye Olde Blogspotte...

2005-09-08T10:37:00.000-04:00

ughers...I know, I haven't updated my blog is a while...the muses of blogland haven't struck me with anything to write about...blah blah...so there is no point to this entry, except that I have been pondering three issues lately:

Issue the first: When was the last time I chewed gum and blew a bubble? It's been a long time...wonder why...

Issue the second: Could duckboats quite possibly be man's best invention ever?

Issue the third: Why -- of all that is holy -- would a PSU student choose to make an exhibit out of hair? If you haven't seen it, meander over to the Palmer Art Museum...I did fairly well (if I do say so myself) except a few gags and horrid glances.

and that's all.

oh wait...we did have a great party on Friday night (carrying the tradition of Ruth ---btw the boys are doing wonderfully, Melvin has sprouted new growths, Henry is making a come-back, and chocolate soldier is still flowery). There was a nice mix of Germans and computer grads there...luckily no one got too drunk (HAHAHAHA)...we had some fun out on the balcony and in the living room trying to put our feet behind our heads, some killer spinach dip and pumpkin roll...not to mention some lovely salsa (minus the potent onion aftertaste). I opted to walk the groups to their cars...in my socks and all throughout the neighborhood (not a good idea)...oh well...have to head to class...later

Balzac...

2005-08-25T00:49:00.000-04:00

i am extremely tired...but i must write down the events from this wonderfully eventful evening. Since i am tired though, i'll present them to you as random thoughts:

dinner?......elevator in Burrowes bldg......doors closing......ground floor selected......clang - fall......crash......AHHH......stuck......cell phones......campus police......climbing out......drinks!......9 pitchers at Cafe 210......Euro Club......bus home

Never a dull moment with zhe tschermans!

now piece together the tale...or click on Lisa's Blog for the full story...

Holy gripers...

2005-08-13T19:56:00.000-04:00

well, it appears that I have been severely neglecting my blogging duties! yikers...well, I wanted to recap what's going on, but instead, I feel like I'm in the griping mood, so I shall present a recap of the entire summer so far in Jeer/Cheer form:

- Jeers to no rain
- Cheers to the recent opening of one side of the sidewalk on Pollack
- Jeers to the more recent closing of above-mentioned sidewalk
- Jeers to the kid who "spreads the Word" on College. I have been approached by this young man thrice...next time, I shall inquire about his address. Then the next time I head to church, right after picking up three goats, eight garlic wreaths, and novelty Nixon masks, I can swing by his place and pick him up...if he wants to join me.
- Cheers to Panera for getting rid of my arch-nemesis!
- Jeers for having to spend a fall semester without my arch-nemesis.
- Cheers to Rufus Wainwright and Ben Folds concert tickets for $9.75!
- Jeers to men's fashion...and this requires a rant (ahem): so, gentlemen, I want you all to remember that VERY FEW men can pull off pink shirts...and VERY FEW men can pull off popping their collars...VERY VERY FEW can do the pink shirt- popped collar combo...you have been warned.
- Jeers to the string fabric bags (still looking for an appropriate term)...these don't like right at all. I don't care if they have a sports logo on them...burn them.
- Cheers to yodelling in front of the library.
- Jeers to the bus driver who manages a "perpetual- belch" expression on his face...he's a bit too heavy on the gas and and a bit too quick on the brake for my liking.
- Cheers to Elliot, Eudora, and Emmit for finally bursting out with flowers! They're my african violets, they make me smile...and yes, I name my plants.
- Jeers to bats in Burrowes...they managed to guard the office door this morning, effectively keeping me from entering and (after screaming like a school girl at Backstreet Boys concert) making me run down the hall for safety.
- Jeers to antisocialites in bars...why would one come out to a bar, only to stare into space and not talk to anyone?
- Cheers to Becca's first time at Players!!! Although there were some interesting ladies reliving their days in colorguard and one gentleman in some high-heeled boots on the dance floor, it was fun.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. Hopefully, I'll get to updating this more often....later...

Last dance, last chance for love...

2005-07-15T22:05:00.000-04:00

I haven't written in a while, so I'll send out a quick message, to let everyone know that I am still kickin'. My day today was a fairly unproductive one. I did manage to hike to Tar-zhay for picture frames and shorts. Luckily, I only got tooted at once, which is surprising for Atherton. I picked up my pictures from three rolls of film as well...nothing scandelous...darn...

So Miss Hundley and I had promised to go out on the town last night...which fell through...but I'm planning to take State College by storm on Saturday, so we'll see how that turns out. Any takers for Saturday eve fun?? I think we need to do a needed survey of the singles in this town...hmmm

I felt like a complete ass this morning, as my phone went off in class twice... :(

In any event, to respond to certain readers pleas for pictures of the German - American Party...they will have to wait, as I still have half of a roll of film to get rid of before anyone gets any sort of pie pictures...so, hopefully I'll remember my camera on my wanderings through town this weekend and snap some photos of drunken fun...

Okay, got to read...night

Take that funny cake...

2005-06-26T22:51:00.000-04:00

So last night was the "First Annual German - American Shindig" here at Casa de Becca & Josh. We hung hex signs made all sorts of food and desserts that are PA German or German - American. On the menu: ham and string beans, chicken pot pie, an assortment of ring bologna and cheeses, German potato salad, pumpkin roll, shoofly pie, funny cake. There were three disasters of the evening: potato pancakes, corn fritters, and peppermint pie. The pancakes and the fritters wouldn't solidify well enough, so we tossed the batter from view. The peppermint pie smelled good...and after some volunteer taste-testing, people seemed to mildly enjoy it...regardless it met its maker with the garbage disposal. BUT (!) the highlight of the evening was the Funny Cake (and yes...it is funny!). It didn't collapse in on itself and certainly didn't turn out like my first funny cake (see pics from earlier entry).
All in all, it was a nice evening...we started a bit too early, but as soon as the hard alcohol reared its tempting head only the German majors were left standing. Pictures of the event (or at least of the pies) will be coming soon! night....

Shake that groove thing...

2005-06-21T15:04:00.000-04:00

I just got back from watching an unfortunate excuse for a “Real World Austin.” I don’t like the cast…and the fact that they had a run-in with the police and are already macking on each other by the second day just says it all. Although it’s a good thing that I’m not addicted to this season as I was with “Real World Chicago”…tis a sad, sad situation…however in this season there’s no rainbow representation…maybe a function of Texas…hmmm….
BUT (!) apparently “Malfeasance” (*clap of thunder, crack of whip*) has been infiltrated by an anonymous commentator. Not knowing who this person could be…let’s go to the evidence and examine some raw data and analyse that discourse (yee-haw):

What a delightful blog! The author begins with a regulatory opening discourse marker of exclamation. I’ve never heard any straight man use the word delightful, although it’s a perfectly grand adjective --- albeit not as grand an adjective as “grand”, but good nonetheless. So I propose that our commentator is a woman.

I'll leave this as anonymous Aha! Our lady commentator playfully taunts the reader and writer that she will not reveal her identity…how fabulously superhero-like.

- just because I CAN!!! So she obviously COULD leave her name if she were so behooved…so she must be a fellow blogger…relishing in the fact that she has the power to withhold her identity.

And also becuase you don't know me. The second reason she gives for concealing her identity is given here. We note the misspelling of “because”, which leads me to believe that our author is not an English major, or was in a hurry to type. We note that this tag sentence is drawn off of the preceding sentence, to further solidify her claims to remain nameless...it's rather calm after her bold capitalization and over-exhaustive exclamation usage from the previous line.

But you know someone who knows me... This sentence looks like an afterthought, as though she feels a need for giving her reasons for posting a comment, especially headed with "but". Although she seems to be giving away a huge hint, the elipses employment at the end of the sentence adds a touch of continuance in this mystery. Hmmm...She knows someone….who knows me. This leads me to believe that she knows the Grand Dame of Blogging: one Miss Hundley (!). Further, the admittance in the second comment that this is one of “My people” shows the kinship between the two (Hundley 2005). It appears that Miss Hundley either (1) knew that the writer was commenting, (2) was contacted by the author, or (3) knows the author’s writing so well, that she could identify it. In truth, the writing has a bit of a playful wit…very much like a Hundley…and as my grandmammy always said “Walks like a Hundley, talks like a Hundley, then by cheeses it must be a Hundley.”

and I know a thing or two about The Shoofly. Aha! Now the reader prods at my own weaknesses and addresses pie! (We note that it is referred to as “The Shoofly” (noting capitalization and use of the definite marker “The”) and not just “pie” “shoofly” etc. So the author must be a resident of Pennsylvania...or one who has roots here...

hummm..... The closing discourse marker is a rather interesting one. Is the author “humming” expressing her satisfaction over the comment that she has championed…or is it more of a “hmmm…” expressing deliberation. I believe it to be the latter, and the insertion of a vowel sound in a normally vacant position leads me to believe that the onset of the closing discourse marker was one of aspiration…as if to say, “Shit-fire…I am finished writing…I have just added my thoughts to the world’s most ingenious blog. How privileged I am this day.”

Having said all of that, may I inform the dear reader to adjust the Velcro straps on their waders and ready themselves with the nearest digging devices, because it’s getting pretty deep in here…

As you can see…I have nothing better to do with my time. But I did manage to pimp out my room with some more plants…and even managed to drill holes and a-fix a hanging plant to my wall…okay, night!

I opt to frazzle and dazzle...

2005-06-18T15:50:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was even more frazzled than people tend to know me to be. I'm not sure why, but I was completely out of sorts. After reading through a stack of articles on Swiss immigration to colonial Pennsylvania (fun fun fun), I headed back to the office. Some of the highlights of my afternoon included: (1.) a debate over the plural of hippopotamus...Becca maintained that it is hippopotamuses, I stood firm with hippopotami...after outside sources were referenced, it turns out that we were both right (though I believe I am righter...hehe); (2.) having my status in the department change from "eccentric" to "just plain weird"; (3.) as we were leaving, Becca mentions "I think you missed your calling as a kindergarten teacher"....HAHAHA, there are so many things wrong with this statement, I don't know where to begin; (4.) I was so out of sorts that I took to my bed and had no idea what to do; (5.) at around 20:45 EST, I turn on Donna Summer's Last Dance, and so began the first (maybe not the last) Dance Competition in the apartment. Becca has perfected the "America's Top Model"-walk to accompany my finger snapping with the music. The evening continued with selections from German disco, 80s, early 90s, some Disney and others.
I would like to add, that all of the above incidents involve Becca in some way...I consider her a bad influence (muhahaha).
Today I'm supposed to write this paper for a class...I just haven't had any ideas come to me as yet.
Oh well...I guess I should get back to course work. And a little side note....I'm allowing anonymous commenting on the blog...so feel free to add your thoughts...and you're name if you'd like....later

Ode to Herr Chair...

2005-06-11T04:30:00.000-04:00

Thank you to Rachel for the fabulous "Ode to Herr Chair" (a.k.a. me) on her online journal
Take the quiz and see how you do...if you get a 100%, you are more Chair than Herr, as far as I'm concerned...I only got a 75% --- yikes!

Just keep baking shoofly, dumbass...

2005-06-07T22:25:00.000-04:00

So tonight becca and I decided to make some sort of fabulous dinner. We headed to Wegmans and I volunteered to make my favoritest cake in the world, Funny Cake (this is another of those PA Dutch breakfast cakes...see earlier post). Well, I completely screwed up the recipe (shaking my fist at YOU, Friedens Ladies' Auxiliary Cookbook). You see, funny cake has a thin chocolate layer on the bottom and is topped with a moist cake-like batter. Apparently, my chocolate layer was runny and my batter was too thick, resulting in a delightful mess. Not only did the chocolate leak in the oven, but right across the kitchen floor as I took the deformed experiment in terror out of the oven and over to the sink...and that's were it met it's destiny with the garbage disposal. We decided to order pizza. So if anyone has a good Funny Cake recipe....

Shoofly Pie: A PA Dutch Tradition by Herr Brown

2005-06-01T02:30:00.000-04:00

Okay, so Lisa's blog has been overrun by comments on the shoofly. What is it? How is it spelled? etc. etc. Enter Josh (stage right) as your Dutch country tour guide...

Let's start at the beginning: The Pennsylvania Germans/ Dutch are well known for their culinary delights and setting a good table...so much so, that the myth: Seven sweets and seven sours = fine meal, developed in America. While this is just a myth, the fact that sweets and sours play an important role at Dutch meals, cannot be disputed. It was not uncommon to round out a hearty dinner of meat and potatoes with pie...and lots of it! Just perusing a PA Dutch cookbook will show one how many pies they made. The pie became such an institution among the PA Germans, that their decorative pie plates and punched-tin pie chests are prized today among collectors. It might also be interesting to note that, while they were PA German, pie is not German...it's English, borrowed in colonial times from their English Quaker neighbors in southeastern PA.
Anywho, this particular pie has its origins sometime after colonial times (although new evidence may show that its actually older than was thought, but I won't get into that...). The original name, Centennial Cake, should clue the dear readers in, as to when it first appeared: 1876, at the centennial celebration in Philadelphia. It was adopted by PA Germans, called "Melassichriwwelkuche" in the dialect and served for generations to come. The name means: Melassich (molasses) Riwwel (crumbs/ or even spaetzle-like soup noodles) and Kuche (cake). But wait, Josh, you're talking crazy...it's a pie...not a cake! Technically, yes. But the consistency of the pie is much more like a coffee cake, it's just in a pie shell. And if you think the story ends there...boy are you mistaken! This was not an isolated cake-pie mixture, the PA Germans are known for their cake-pies (called "breakfast cakes"). My favorite example would be Funny Cake (which in an of itself is surrounded with controversy--much like the ketchup/syrup and scrapple dilemma-- as to how one pours their liquid chocolate into the pie: into the shell itself or through the batter??) If you're not from PA, and don't know these people....you've most likely not understood that joke...but I'm laughing my arse off, and that's all that matters...
Anywho, the name was translated again into English as "Shoofly Pie"---that's the correct spelling--but why? Well, the brand of molasses which was most widely used for the cake in the 19th century was called "Shoofly" brand. And now you know!
Today, you can get all sorts of it: cupcakes, whole cakes, dry bottom, even chocolate Shoofly. My recipe was my grandma's...I have yet to try the original 1876 recipe...but I have it here...hmmm.
It's basically watered-down molasses poured into a pie shell and topped with sugary crumb goodness and then baked.
I find pride in the fact, that I have now wasted about ten minutes of your precious time, dear reader, on the topic of pie...but now you will have something to fill those awkward dinner conversation silences with...think of how great your pie knowledge will be at parties and on first dates! You have just upped your social prestige two whole notches with this ole' chestnut.
I have also come to realize (having read through this entry again), that I am quite possibly the most peculiar and boring person alive...

wet-bottomed goodness...

2005-05-29T14:20:00.000-04:00

for at least three of you: Get your minds out of the gutter! My away message yesterday: "Baking a shoofly..." is NOT super-secret code for "engaging in sexual intercourse". I invite my chat buddies to click on Lisa's blog (Step into Lisaopolis) to see what "baking a shoofly" really means...

I believe in a thing called love...(???)

2005-05-26T02:50:00.000-04:00

The title of this entry is from one of my favoritest songs ever by The Darkness. It's one of the few songs to which I know all the words. But I'll get to that later...
My day today started at 7 am...rolled out of bed, showered, walked to the bus and met my advisor on campus. We drove to Big Vally (Belleville) to visit the Mennonite Center there and talk with the locals. They were some of the nicest people I have ever met. Although some may say that sectarians are odd, they can be as much fun (and better) to talk to than "normal" people. It's such an interesting and beautiful area...I could definitely spend some time there, and it looks as though our oral history project will move forward and I'll be spending the entire summer there.
I then came home and took a nap for hours...I can't believe I slept that long...oh well...let's get to the point of the entry:
It's spring and love is in the air...from the squirrels on campus to the students. Anywho, I saw a disturbing sight today on campus, a break-up. I saw the young lady crying from yards away, while her beau stood there (maintaining a cold distance) explaining something. As I got closer, I heard what sounded like a "It's not you" speech. It really disturbed me...so it got me thinking about relationships. For me, a relationship is not based on anything...it's a feeling, intangible and (supposed to be) encompassing. It's that feeling of inspiration that one gets from someone and their conversation. The latter is probably the most important to me (here's the linguist coming out...). Above all, humor has to be one of the (if not the) most important aspects. You can't have a serious type falling in love with a crude toilet humorist...I don't believe it works. The partners need to understand each other...and in what better way than in their humor, I shudder to think what mismatched pairs' dinner table conversations are like without a mutual comedic approach.
In any event, sure a relationship needs patience and time and trust and nuturing. Is that all possible in State College? I think so. True, a lot of people's views are narrowed by their expectations of how long they'll be here and since (as students) we are always "on the prowl"...but a relationship should be able to happen irrespective of time or place....hmmm, maybe not (?).
In my opinion, relationships are filled with contrasts. Your partner is the person with whom you can talk for hours (without awkward silence) and with whom you can cuddle on the couch without saying a word; the person you want to be alone with and the person you want to take out with your friends; the person you fall asleep thinking about and wake up smiling about.
Am I a hopeless romantic? I don't think I've ever considered myself a romantic...hopeless? well...
I am sure that after this post many will doom me from ever having a relationship and may be willing to fashion a sign for my bedroom, reading (like the portal to hell in Dante's Inferno): "Abandon all hope, all ye who enter here." night....

I'm fixin' to make a shoofly...

2005-05-24T22:05:00.000-04:00

My day today was a little (just a little) more productive than yesterday. Woke up and watched TV with Mrs. Darby (hehe), went to the office and did practically nothing. I did manage to make an ass out of myself multiple times, by getting caught in the whole fencing maze, which straddles the whole library mall...piss me right the hell off (to quote my mother).
Got back to the apartment, napped a bit, made dinner and watched TV...I feel like the laziest excuse for a human being ever. Luckily, tomorrow I'll receive a huge kick in the butt to actually get moving. I'm headed to the Mennonite Historical Society in Belleville to meet with the curator and see what they've got. These small historical societies and libraries often have some of the most interesting things...of course I head for the folk art collections...the big nerd that I am. Anywho, that's at 8:30 AM (ahhhh..I hate mornings, unless its 2 am and I'm one and a half gin and tonics away from getting tattooed).
I didn't walk to campus (or back) today...which makes feel extremely guilty...just because the walk is so pleasant on the bike path from Vairo Blvd to campus...oh well, maybe I'll do it tomorrow morning. It's strange though that everytime I ride the bus my mind harkens back to Marburg and always riding the bus with some of the freaks.
Looking for some fun times this weekend...I'm debating about going for a hike, going out with Tron and some volleyball people and others from the department, or doing nothing. Regardless, Friday I'm fixin' to make a shoofly...a wet-bottomed one at that (the only kind in my book). This is a true Pennsylvanian tradition and hopefully it won't overflow in the oven like my last one. Anyone out there who wants to enjoy a slice, stop on by...with some strawberry wine or pear brandy (brings out the flavor of a good pie).
BUT! By far, the best news of the day was the naming of the future fish. Tron and I have determined (after watching an enthralling episode of Pet Star on Animal Planet) to name the next fish "Skidboot." Isn't that the best name ever?
I can't believe that my life is completely boring (not that I'm asking for drama) but I haven't run into any interesting people or anything else recently....hmmmm.....

Super secret coded entry...

2005-05-23T23:00:00.000-04:00

Well, apparently, Tron (one of my new roomies) is a little worried that I may use this blog to vent my problems with her and that I would do so with code...which got me thinking...so, let's see how this would work (I provided the super-secret code):
Tron = Mrs. Darby
living room = lobby
the apartment = Lolita's Bar & Grill
Wegmans = Mary Ellen's House of Ill Repute
Michael's = Tom's Sugar Daddy Hut
green squash and cream cheese = whips and chains
picture frames = stud muffins
matting = thong

>>Today began as any normal day. Mrs. Darby was sitting in the lobby of Lolita's Bar & Grill watching television. It was not a normal movie, but we watched it anyway. Then Mrs. Darby announced that she should like to visit Mary Ellen's House of Ill Repute this fine day and queried if I should have an interest. I agreed and off we went. We arrived and I made my way for the whips and chains. Mrs. Darby also reminded me that we are in a definite need of stud muffins, and that we had best go to Tom's Sugar Daddy Hut. Whilst there, we found only two stud muffins that pleased us both. I reminded Mrs. Darby of the stud muffin she already has at home. "It's just too big," exclaimed Mrs. Darby, but perhaps it would look nice with a thong. But alas, there weren't any thongs large enough for Mrs. Darby's stud muffin. Upon inquiry, the woman at Tom's Sugar Daddy Hut explained that I could either cut the thong myself from the material in the back or let her do it. I asserted that she had best do it, for I am not skilled in cutting thongs.<<

Ahhh....super-secret codes are super-sweet...

One last thing: Some have asked why I am listed as "Joschka". That was my nickname in Germany among friends, because every German called me /Yosh/ and since the lead guy for the Green Party is Joschka Fischer (and because I am "militant recycler") the name stuck. My other nickname in Tschermany was "Greif", but I will only explain that after many libations when all integrity is gone....later

Thar's gold in them thar hills....

2005-05-22T23:30:00.000-04:00

Today was the last day to relax before getting started on my paper for linguistics...blah. I finally got a cell. I don't know what's happening to my PA Dutch ways, investing in this technology. Oh well...

Speaking of the PA Dutch, I completely forgot to mention the lovely lunch we had with the Amish two weeks ago. My advisor and some other profs headed to Big Valley to visit with an Amish contact there. We had an enjoyable meal, got to meet their children, and learn about their lives in Big Valley. Having visited many many Amish and Mennonite homes in Berks and Lancaster Counties, I was astonished to see a Big Valley home...very plain, without the striking "wealth" that one sees in the older communities. This was my first taste of field work since last summer....oh how I miss it! For those who don't know, I work on PA German quite a bit, and since it's a dialect, I often have to head out to the backwoods of PA and interview the few speakers who are still alive. My interest in folk art also made me do field work...actually walking into fields looking for these old family cemeteries. But no one is interested in that....so we move on.

Having had a delicious meal, it got me thinking and while I was home, I made copies of my grandmother's Dutch recipes and brought my other PA Dutch cookbooks back to S.C. I'm thinking of a "PA Dutch Dinner" sometime this summer...let me know what you think. Of course I made sure to stop at some Mennonite friends and pick up some homemade jellies...they have the best Peach Habanero Jelly (alas they had no more...). Alrighty....later all.

Back in S.C.

2005-05-21T22:07:00.000-04:00

Since I have been extremely lax in filling in this here blog thinger, I have made a mid-year resolution to write more. I know that many of you (dear readers) will find some of my entries to be completely boring. So maybe I should explain why I decided to do a blog. First of all, I am not a fan of these things. But I’ve found in the multiple times that I’ve kept a journal, that I was more able to express my thoughts. I am also a firm believer, that for whatever reason, the strangest things occur to me and I meet the strangest people. Perhaps that it is a matter of chance...or maybe a matter of me...hmmm

In any event, I’ll write this entry about my wonderful early summer vacation in the scenic town Emmaus. Unfortunately very few people have had the pleasure of this tiny slice of heaven in Lehigh County...only two friends from undergrad dared to enter the town...and well, I’m not sure that they will ever heal from hearing my mother talk about how the flying squirrels would smack into our roof and measuring the distance of relatives with "yards." Yet, in some small way, I am sure that “a song within their hearts shall flame...Emmaus, then, shall be its name.” For those of you who are still negotiating my humor...that was sarcasm...and I was laying it on pretty thick.

I returned to Emmaus to find things pretty much the same. For ease, I shall just list some of the highlights from the week: -turkeys walking through the yard everyday, -visiting the Leesport Farmer's and Flea Market with Mom to look at everyone's junk (The people there are some of the most interesting people on the planet.), making several trips to Target, painted my filing cabinet a nice yellow, briefly participating in the Walk for Life for cancer with family, digging a trench in the backyard for “water irrigation”, discussing local politics with my dear cousins at the China Wok Buffet (note: that is pronounced /boo-fay/, accent the first syllable).

By far the highlight of the week was a visit to Kutztown to check in on my twin. He's leaving for the Navy soon, so I headed out there and hung out with his friends (anyone with a Jaegermeister Machine is good people). After enjoying drinks at a few bars, we head home and whilst he was vomiting along Main Street, a young lady yelled: "You're disgusting!" It was the icing on an otherwise sweet-ass cake of an evening.

Tag allerseits....

2005-05-08T02:00:00.000-04:00

Hi all, I've decided to succumb to the entrapments of blog-land. Maybe I'll be able to use this space to express my ideas, vent a bit, share thoughts....or just ramble on endlessly. My hope is that you, dear reader, will turn to this blog in your moments of sheer boredom. Feel free to get snug on the couch and read into my life...I realize that I can't be with you all at all times and at all occasions, so this way, my enticing conversation will be only a click away (riiiight)....

First of all, some explanations: my blog title is "malfeasance" which is a great SAT word, so if you don't know it, look it up! It comes from a great quote from undergrad at dear ole' Millersville.

I'm still getting a feel for these thingers, so lets start with my day. Well, today is Day 3 of me watching TV5. I have gotten my fill of some great Belgian dramas and shows....en francais and only a bit understandable for me. Its just completely interesting to look at the scenes in the movies, and makes me sort of "homesick" for Europa. My two years there were the best years of my life (so far) and I often think about Germany and friends in other countries. Makes me kinda sad sometimes, that those days of going out to a bar and heading to dinner or cooking together are over....but I guess it's time for me to move on a bit and create more memories (especially here at PSU), which I hope will be just as great. At least for the time being, I'm brushing up on my French.

Right now, I'm downloading some eastern German music and sorta watching "Antiques Roadshow". They just had this portrait that was worth $30,000. Now....I have two problems with this: (1) the portrait was scary...I couldn't sleep in a house, knowing that there was freaky portrait of a child hanging on the wall; (2) the lady appraising it, said "Had it been a cuter child, it might be worth as much as $60,000. Lady, you suck. But, it's good to know, in case any of you are in the business of buying portraits from the 1830s. blah blah blah. I must admit that I don't watch this show on a regular basis, but I can't be bothered to change the channel....

Alrighty, I think I'll read a bit, after watching all this TV, I forget that I have tons of things that I want to read. okay, good night.